The surgeon decided to do a lumpectomy, to start sparingly until we had confirmation it was more than a benign lump.  Now to do a lumpectomy, there were x-rays done, the lump was identified and then a needle was inserted to mark the spot when the surgeon went in for the actual removal.  Once the needle was placed the nurse put a bandage and or a paper cup around the needle, because I had to transfer to another room and bed for the surgery.  This was a scary time and I didn’t even have results yet.  After the procedure I was left with stitches and a bandage that I was told to leave on until my follow up appointment, that was more than a week out.  

At that appointment, my mom and friend came with me for support.  It was surreal, the dr came in, set my file down and then almost immediately was called out.  I was very tempted to peek at the file, but decided against it.  When the doctor returned all he said was “it is cancer”. I’m certain all the air escaped my body. I had so many questions about what happens next and so forth, but decided I wanted not only a second opinion, but a different doctor.  I deserved more than him walking out of the room and the manner in which he delivered the news. I left his office that day still with stitches and a bandage. I was worried and so unsure what this diagnosis meant for me.  

I think it was another week before I saw the new surgeon who not only had come highly recommended but was doing advanced things within the field of breast cancer and surgery.  He couldn’t believe that the other doctor had left the stitches in and immediately removed them. He began slowly, explaining all the things that would and could happen next, and took the time to answer my questions too.  Leaving his office that day was a different feeling, we had a plan for follow up and what would happen next, I didn’t feel like I was in limbo.  There was a definitive plan in place.

He performed second biopsy and also discovered there was lymph node involvement . This unfortunately ruled out some of the advanced techniques that were breast sparing.  From there I decided to have a mastectomy and knew that chemotherapy and radiation were in my future as well.  The day I had my mastectomy I don’t remember being in pain or too much-but my cousin was on a lower floor in labor and I stopped in and said hello as I was leaving the hospital that day. I also knew that my grandmother was very worried and insisted on stopping so she could see that I was ok.  Once that was all done I went home to start recovery from surgery before chemotherapy and radiation started.  

It had been explained that my cancer was aggressive and hormone fed so I need to begin treatment as soon as possible. Those months are a blur, chemotherapy was a day long process 4-6 hours each round. Each round was every 2-4 weeks apart. Followed by 2 to 3 days of extreme fatigue and sometimes nausea and  vomiting.  Radiation was very short in comparison, each session was just a few minutes long, it took longer to undress each time than the treatment did.  Radiation made me tired too, it was a process and was everyday for several months.  During radiation I had to take a break also, as I got really burnt, my chest and up my neck on that right side looked like I had severe and painful sunburn.  The radiation also burnt me inside, the beam as you can imagine can only be so direct. So, stomach problems and throat issues were a result too. 

Once I had finished the months of chemo and radiation- I was scheduled for a second surgery as soon as safely possible. Remember my cancer was hormone fed so that meant I needed a hysterectomy. And I decided to have my other breast removed because I didn’t want to face any of this a second time.  Once I was cleared from both those surgeries, I had monthly check ups with the oncologist.  After about 6 months of good monthly checks, I was moved to 3 month checks.   When I was a year out, my reward was I only needed to be monitored annually.  

Thus began life after cancer and my goal of making it to a clean bill of health for 5 years.  If I made it to the 5 year mark,  I was “in the clear” and my cancer had minimal chances of recurring. Or so I thought…fast forward to the end of my 8th year cancer free. 

I began to have horrible stomach aches and issues that would not resolve. They were infrequent at first and then became unbearable. Each ER trip only gave me temporary relief and a referral to a GI doctor.  The GI doctor after a colonoscopy and other tests decided it was my gallbladder and it should come out.  An outpatient surgery, but another surgery nonetheless. The last thing I wanted was more surgery, but I wanted the pain gone.  This was going to resolve things and I’d be on my merry way again. So I had my gallbladder removed, recovered with no complications and thought all was well.  About three months give or take after my gallbladder was removed-the pain can back, with a vengeance.  I didn’t hesitate or second guess at all, I went straight to the ER.

On this visit they did the usual battery of tests: pain and nausea meds, x rays, and a cat scan.  After the tests were completed, we waited and waited.  The ER doctor came in and simply said “it’s back.” I was so confused, I had come in because of horrible stomach pain, was he telling me my gallbladder grew back? What exactly was back? I mean I was 8 years cancer free, THAT was the last thing I was thinking he could mean. He must have been able to see the confusion on my face, because then he said it…”your cancer is back”. You could have heard a pin drop, my mom left the room immediately.  He went on to explain that the scan or the x-ray, I don’t recall which, had captured my lower lungs and there was fluid there.  There isn’t supposed to be fluid in your lungs. The doctor went on to explain that I would be admitted and see an oncologist and a care plan would be put in place. He left and shortly after someone came to take me upstairs to the oncology floor.  

When I met my oncologist and oncology team I was so happy with the care and time they took with not only me, but my family.  The plan would be to start a clinical trial. It was not a new medication, but a medication that was already approved for other use but had been found to slow cancer growth.  So now I had a team of doctors that would follow me and I would see monthly.  The medication was an oral medication not intravenous chemotherapy like before. I was relieved.  Once I understood the medicine schedule, I was sent home. Home with a plan to fight cancer again for the second time. This time was different though, because it was a recurrence the outcome was gonna be different.  See the cancer had moved; metastasized, it was still my original breast cancer, but it was now in my lungs and bones.  The original prognosis was 18 months. That was what I was really sent home with, a now lifetime of treatment. The illness was now chronic, I would always be treating it. 

This medication in combination with hormone blocking therapy worked. I outlived the original 18 month prognosis, and the clinical trial as well.  I was on the regimen for 6 years, with no cancer growth. However, the side effects eventually took their toll. My lungs were a mess and began to fill with fluid again. I was hospitalized again and a new plan of attack was made.  I changed to another newer chemotherapy medication that was developed specifically for metastasis.  I would be on a 21 day cycle of the medication with 7 days off. The hormone therapy was also changed and I would now receive monthly injections that would do the job of the previous pill. I trusted my oncologist and the rest of my oncology team. I had no doubt this was the best plan and 2nd regimen for me, and that they would address any side effect as quickly and effectively as they had done before.  

That switch was almost 4 years ago. I am tolerating this regimen better than the previous, some of the side effects are better. I have also not had any further growth or fluid on my lungs.  I am an outlier.  I will have 10 years with my metastatic diagnosis this fall. Ten birthdays when I was told I may only get 1 more.  I am so grateful to my oncology and medical  team. They have made my initially very scary cancer journey less scary and so much more hopeful.  My family are the others that have kept me hopeful throughout my cancer story. They are my biggest cheerleaders and help me remember that I am a daughter, sister, friend, mom and noni. I AM NOT CANCER and cancer does not have me.

— Susan Perez